After staying on youtube watching Tim Delaghetto on his vlogs, I started to ponder about how Benson(he's my ex-boyfriend) was and what he was doing. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I watched Minwoo's "Girlfriend" MV about 5 times because that song really describes how Benson felt when I broke up with him. I know that he didn't want us to end at all and I made the decision to end it and now I'm the one doing all the missing.
I've emailed him a few times after the break up but he's never responded back so I'm not too sure if we're even "cool", like what Gwen Stefani was singing in her song, "Cool". Other than listening and watching videos, I ended up watching sad Hmong songs with the lyrics to sing along and it just reminded me so much of how he must have felt about me and how I feel about him right now.
It doesn't hurt when I think about him but I just miss having his company and presence. He was a great friend and a great lover. He has helped me through a lot. He sorta abandoned his family to just be with me. I know that doesn't sound good but at least he was happy when he was with me. I noticed he wasn't that happy with his family but it's just because his brothers were giving him a hard time and they didn't really approve of us. I mean they thought that I would eventually break is heart, ironically I did, and Benson traveling to my place and back to his home would be a waste of time. I don't wanna say that it was a waste of time because he got to know me and my friends around town. He also go to know the town really good too. I mean isn't that a good enough excuse? I don't know.
So today I've been thinking about us and all the memories are rushing to me now. I remember when we were dating, I couldn't really hold down a good memory of us but since we've been apart and I'm so far from him and haven't seen his face for like 2 and half months, all our memories, even the little stupid ones, are all I think about.
This was in April 2009
No comments:
Post a Comment