Toes - Lights

Love it! ♥♥

If you are a cliff hanger ending
I’m the one that doesn’t know anything
Like a magpie and a ring
I am always gonna be looking right to you
Oh, you capture my attention
Carefully listening, don’t wanna miss a thing
Keeping my eyes on you
Got me on my toes
If I were to hide out on the sea
You’d be whispering from the westerlies
In any book I’ll ever read
You’d be the line that sticks out to me
Oh, you capture my attention
Carefully listening, don’t wanna miss a thing
Keeping my eyes on you
Oh, you capture my attention
I’m anticipating, I’m watching and waiting
For you to make your move
Got me on my toes
Got me on my toes

Valentine's Day 2012

So valentines was about a little be less than a week ago. I decided that I will officially stop talking to Xue and then it just got confusing when I got flowers and candies from his cousin which she said that he wanted to give to me as a surprise. She gave me bouquets of flowers and candies. Oh dear. What do I do now? Why do I feel like everything will get better just because he gave me this stuff for valentine's? what's the point? why the flowers and candies? why would he think that these items could ever win my heart again?

Lisa said I should just be strong and not talk to him. He has other priorities in life and I believe that I should not be one of them. It's his parents, bills, and being stable. Mine are school, family, God, and work.

I'm so sorry God. I haven't been praying and going to church to fellowship. It feels like a blur. Life feels like a blur because sometimes it seems so real here in college and then I go back home and it doesn't seem right. It seems like I'm in two separate worlds that are 70 miles apart. It seems there is a different sense of community wherever I go. These communities that I feel are tugging at my heart because I care so much, so deeply about both. What's wrong with me?

Life is as complicated as trying to figure out the correct syntax in MATLAB(a program that deals with mathematical problem solving). What should the input be for a priority and necessity? Should I choose between family or school? Should I choose between God/Jesus or a partner? Choices are hard but if we aren't given choices, what do we have? Do we need an input check to help direct us to use the correct input the user should use? Error messages are showing everywhere but if I don't know what to do, how do I begin to fix it?!

Xue, I appreciated everything we have done and gone through but there are some variables in life where it doesn't apply to the function anymore.

In math, life just makes sense without all the what if's and excuses.

Something new but delicious!

Today I made BIBIMBAP! It was a spur of the moment but I really want some korean food. I know I didn't have the right ingredients but I used what I could with whatever I had. The paste I made was actually the paste for the Grilled Venison but I used it anyways. The paste consisted of 1 tablespoon of hot pepper paste, 2 tablespoons of soy bean paste, some chopped up green onions, garlic, sugar, and sesame oil. It was quite delicious. Today's bibimbap consist: rice, stir fry ground venison with ginger, chopped carrots, chopped green onions, stir fry cabbage, a cooked sunny-side up egg, fresh chopped ginger, stir fried red onions, and especially the special paste. It was something I've always wanted to do but didn't because I always told myself I didn't have the right ingredients. I'm so glad to have had these veggies and meat available. Here it is!



Stay tuned for more updates

First post of 2012

I'm starting a new year with new opportunities for success.

New Year Resolutions:
1)Really Grow my relationship with God
2)Love more everyday
3)Pass all my classes
4)Try to Attend all church events.

♥Esmim

On the brighter side.. I guess...

So it's been like about a month since Xue and I broke up. It has been a very hard and awkward month because I'm still confused at his actions then and now. He says he misses me more than ever and wants me back but I've been thinking a lot about what he's done and what he's said. It all doesn't seem to add up to me. I think that we both should be apart for now because it's the best for the both of us. Yes we'll miss each other and want to be together like in the past but it hasn't helped us much. I feel like we've grown into this familiar cycle of life that we don't want to stray away from but we have to, especially to grow and mature as a person.

I've told him that we should take this time to learn and grow as an individual person and if we want to be together in the end, then so be it. Yes, that sounds corny but that's true right? I mean it's like Serendipity, if fate wants us to be together then let it be.