On the brighter side.. I guess...

So it's been like about a month since Xue and I broke up. It has been a very hard and awkward month because I'm still confused at his actions then and now. He says he misses me more than ever and wants me back but I've been thinking a lot about what he's done and what he's said. It all doesn't seem to add up to me. I think that we both should be apart for now because it's the best for the both of us. Yes we'll miss each other and want to be together like in the past but it hasn't helped us much. I feel like we've grown into this familiar cycle of life that we don't want to stray away from but we have to, especially to grow and mature as a person.

I've told him that we should take this time to learn and grow as an individual person and if we want to be together in the end, then so be it. Yes, that sounds corny but that's true right? I mean it's like Serendipity, if fate wants us to be together then let it be.

Leej twg lub neej...

Why do I wake up feeling so empty and hollow inside? Where does the pain go and how can I make it go by faster so I don't feel it at all anymore? Some say I'm suppose to feel this way but I don't want to anymore...

So this is how Bruno Mars felt when he sang "It Will Rain"

I realized that yes it's going to hurt and yes you're going to feel like crap after breaking up but we just have to move on, right? You don't see it but you can feel all the deep darkness without their presence or acknowledgement around you. You do feel like rain is pouring on you (or out of you) because of all the heart heaviness you have within. You feel like the world has gone upside down and you can't breath right anymore. You will feel miserable knowing that you will not be able to see/talk/listen to them and the reason why it is because they've become so intertwined into your life and they've become a habit. You can cry and scream and think about everything that you could have done to make it better for the next couple of days and realize that in the end, a decision was made and you have to live with it.

One makes life decisions all the time and this just happen to be another one. This is something that both of you have to live with and endure. I feel like the decision I made effected not only both of us but I would have to live with my decision MY ENTIRE LIFE. You can leave whenever you please but I can't once the choice has been made.

My Lovely Sam-Soon MV

♥ it dearly

Dreams...What do they mean?

So the other morning, the alarm kept going off and I of course keep hitting the snooze button. I noticed that everytime I went back to sleep I had a different dream. Like a completely different dream. It was so interesting and made me want to sleep even more. Is this uncommon? Did my brain want to explore more of my inner thoughts. I probably had hit the snooze button like 15 times so I had about 15 different dreams.

Summer Solstice 2011

Today is suppose to be the longest day but it's so gloomy outside! Why would you want it to be gloomy and long?! I also don't understand why it's cold in the summer. Bipolar MN! But I can enjoy inside by listening to this!

Check this out!

What do you think about marriage and the 21st century? What has gone wrong/right? What are your views on marriage or a commitment to that level?

Is Marriage Dying, or just Changing?

How the years go by

I am not going to write an entry on how the years flew by because everyone knows that it does. I'm going to write about how I have my third test in Differential Equations at 10:40 and I feel pretty confident to get a B+ again! I really need to pass this class so I can apply to my major! I'm so excited although the government is bumming me out. They have been in stalemate for a while now and I'm scared shit out of my hair! I mean I need to know if I'll have a job and be able to take the next session in summer school! How can they just not get their job done. I don't remember voting for them and now they're fucking up my life! Okay not to sound conceited but they're gonna fuck over everyone's life in MN! Seriously, get your act together legislators!

OMFG!!

It's a 100 degrees outside in St. Cloud. FML. What's wrong with this weatheR!?

hold on!

Hmong Night

Hmong Night

check these out!

NAPAWF Teen Retreat!

Teens API women and girls! Let's come together to gain leadership development! Here's the link for the application and more information.

www.napawf.org/saintcloud

randomize it! :P

only 5 more weeks!! No way!

Sadly, the semester is going to end. I feel like I was not progressive this semester in anything (work, HSO, school). I just feel so down in the dumps this semester. I think the best thing that happened so far this year was my (non-alcoholic) 21st birthday and my Spring break trip to Cali to see the family.

btw, in two more months then it'll be a year for Xue and I! that's so crazy! XD

California...

tomorrow! So excited! Can't wait to see everyone!

ENDINGS
In Hmong, many words begin the same way
But last letter determines everything


Screw up the last letter and

Fish turns into salt
Horse into human
Sour into penis


You may like the word nyiam
But if you substitute j for m, your word transforms into money
Tack on a g for nyiag
and suddenly the money is stolen


A girl may start out as ntxhais
But neglect the s
and she becomes nothing more than the water left over from cooking rice

Check out more writings from MayLee Yang @ http://www.lazyhmongwoman.com/write/writing.html

Valentine weekend.

It has been a year since Xue and I first met each other in person. I can't believe that it has been a year since then. It has been a bumpy road for us but we're still making it through. I can't wait for him to see the gifts I made for him. I hope he adores it!

♥XueYingLo♥

Seriously?

So the question about Xue and me getting serious has been asked.

I mean we are in a committed relationship to one another but I'm not ready for the next step. I like meeting his family and I like it when he comes over to meet some of my relatives(everyone lives in CA while I'm in MN) but I don't think I'm ready to think about marriage and who's gonna convert. If you're wondering why this came up, well he's in a family that is still practicing the traditional Hmong Culture whereas I am a Christian. I don’t want to feel that I have to convert because being a Hmong daughter-in-law I would have to regardless if I wanted to. I have to do that to “save face” of my parents and relatives (whether they are distant or not).

Regardless of that level or seriousness, I think that I’m more worried about making sure our long-distance relationship can last. I mean we see each other about once every other month or two months. That is a pretty long time but that gives us time to live our own life without feeling that you have to commit 24/7. I probably brought this up because sometimes, I just don’t feel like I’m being a “good” girlfriend to Xue because I barely have time for him during the day. The only time I really speak to him is before bed and we try to text throughout the day. I hate it, and I mean it with a passion, when he texts me and I’m so busy, either at work, school, or with HSO. I’m like, “Hello, get busy with something else because I am!!” I don’t know but that’s just how I feel.

So I think that about answers the question right?

Oh I need coffee...

I'm taking 16 credits this semester (about 6 classes) and I'm freaking out!! All these classes are for my MathEd major. On top of that I have HSO business all afternoon/evening on Wednesday.